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For goodness' sake, buy yourself some new knickers!

I never knew that the time would come for me to write a blog post about buying new knickers as an act of self-care, but here we are!

I was chatting with a friend last week about why we are so reluctant, as women, to spend money on ourselves to get even the most basic of things, but we will happily ensure that everyone else has clothes that fit, and importantly, underwear that doesn’t have holes in! In fact, there have been times in the past when I have spent more money on the pet guinea pigs than I have on myself.

I can’t speak for everyone, of course, but what I see most days in my work and in my friendship groups, is women feeling extremely guilty if they have dared to spend money on themselves, or indeed if they have taken time away from their daily lives to do something just for them.

These incredibly strong feelings of guilt, are usually accompanied by a need to justify their actions in some way. And do you know what this results in? Thousands of women wearing clothes that are falling apart, not doing the things that they love, in knickers that have more holes in than the kitchen cullender! Why is it SO hard for us to care for ourselves?

I know what you are thinking…

Firstly, "that’s it, she has finally lost the plot". (I have but stick with me!) and secondly you are thinking, “but nobody sees my knickers anyway, so what does it matter?” I understand these thoughts, and I also understand that we all have old faithful pairs of knickers that are so comfortable you can’t ever possibly replace them. But there are other pairs in that drawer that really have seen better days, aren’t there?

And do you know who does see your holey knickers with the frayed elastic? You do! Every single day. You put on those knickers with the greyness and sagginess that resembles an elephants’ behind, and how do you feel? Fantastic? Sexy? Like you are ready to take on the world? Or a bit bleugh?

This is not to say that the state of your knickers is a reflection of your powers to do great things in life, of course it’s not. I’ve achieved many great things in terrible knickers, but I want you to take some time to think about yourself here, your worth and your value.

Here is a challenge, should you choose to accept it. (You don’t have to). Go to your knicker drawer find your most terrible pair of knickers and put them on. Stand in front of the mirror and do two things, firstly and most importantly, look at yourself and say, “I love you exactly as you are.” This can feel really hard to do, but it’s important.

Now talk to yourself, in kindness, like you would to a dear friend, and suggest that maybe it’s time to treat yourself to some new underwear. Don’t make any judgements, don’t say anything mean, just look at those knickers and realise that it’s ok for you to have comfortable underwear that is still in its original form and is still its original colour!

I am using this blog post to give you permission to spend some guilt free money on yourself, to buy yourself some new underwear. The only person who will see it is you, the only person who will feel amazing in it is you, and that is ok and it is allowed. You don’t have to treat yourself to Prada pants, or something that is lacier than your grans net curtains, although of course you can if you wish, just find some knickers that are comfortable and that YOU like.

Let’s be honest, this post is not just about knickers, is it? It’s about where we place ourselves in the pecking order of our families and our lives. It’s about valuing who we are, and caring about ourselves enough to meet our very basic needs, and treating ourselves as well as we treat everyone else.

How we value ourselves, our time and our energy is reflected back to us by the universe and what it presents us with in our daily lives. If you feel drained by everyone always asking you to do things and needing you to do things, maybe ask yourself, “how strong are my boundaries, and how good am I at asking for support?” I have to confess that this is a big one for me. I often make myself indispensable, and it causes me a lot of issues that I have to work on.

If you are slogging away at a job you don’t like, for money that’s not reflecting the value of what you bring to that role, take some time to consider how much you want to charge for your precious time and energy, then ask for a pay rise, or find a job that values your skills more highly. I can’t stress enough, this IS your life. This IS the chance you have to do the things you love and to create a life that brings you joy.

If your life feels fast, out of control and overwhelming, consider how much you are allowing in that you don’t need to. It is ok to say “no.” you don’t need to justify yourself, of give a wild excuse, just “no” will suffice. If you want to be polite, then say, “no, thank you!”

If you feel stuck, lonely or bored, ask yourself, “what am I doing for myself that I enjoy?” After a really tough couple of years, this year I made a promise to myself that I would make a concerted effort to meet some new people and spend more time doing things I love with my friends. It is turning out to be a brilliant idea. I signed myself up to a weekly yoga class taught by my friend, and I am meeting lots of new people.

I am working with my friends to create incredible retreats whilst also having a lovely time. I have signed up to be a teacher in an online spiritual school where I am really finding my tribe, and I am also going out to have lunches with new friends, which is where this blog post came from.

What I am coming to understand is that although we can’t control everything in our lives, bad things will happen, we need to take responsibility for as much of our experience as possible, the good and the not so good. We are the authors of our stories, the choices we make sculpt our reality, so it’s worth thinking carefully about them, and if something feels difficult in your life, ask yourself, what am I doing or not doing that is enabling this to happen? Sometimes the answer is difficult to hear, but it’s so worth hearing.

Be gentle with yourself, take your time to make small changes that build to bigger changes, and for goodness’ sake, buy yourself some new knickers!

Sarah. X


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